Alternate Endings
by Official Scroll Keeper
Summary: Two Alternate Endings for "Monty Python and the Holy Grail." Had a lot of fun writing these. Let me and my friend know what you think. Rated T for safety.


Ok so this was written for my 4th quarter AP Euro project along with my best friend Chessie. My other friend Allison, who is also in my class, did not like the end of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. So for our project me and Chessie came up with two alternate endings. The second one originated because our first alternate ending was quite long and took forever, well at least an hour and a half.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

I apologize now for discrepancys. I have only seen this film once and well, I missed the middle part.

So anyways enough rambling here it is! REVIEW PLEASE! Oh and ENJOY!

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><p><span>ALTERNATE ENDING 1<span>

As the main characters are being arrested and taken away…

A mail truck suddenly drives up in the middle of the field out of nowhere and everyone stops to look at it curiously. The driver climbs out, picks up a large bag and carries it over to the chief of police.

Chief: "What is this?"

Mailman: "This is a mailbag."

Chief: *Sighs* "Yes, but who is it for?"

Mailman: "Oh, for King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table."

King Arthur: *Leans head out of police car* "What? Mail? For us?"

Mailman: *Sarcastically* "No, the other King Arthur."

The Chief takes the bag and orders his officers to look through the mail while he takes a nap. He leans against a rock and drifts off to sleep. The other officers open the bag and the mailman drives off in his truck.

Policeman 1: "They're letters."

Policeman 2: "NO! Really? I would've never guessed."

Frenchman 1: *In a French Accent* "Well…what do they say?"

Policeman 2: "They're disgruntled fan letters. They are upset by the ending of this quest for the Holy Grail."

Policeman 1: "The Holy Grill? Where's it at? I've got a hankering for some hamburger."

Policeman 2: "Not 'Grill' you idiot! 'Grail!'"

Policeman 1: "Well they have money in them…maybe they are trying to buy us a nice lunch."

Frenchman 1: "Oi? Money did you say?"

King Arthur: "Maybe they're trying to post our bail!"

Policeman 1: "Nah, that can't be it."

Policeman 2: *Reading letter out loud* "That's it! Really? That's it? What about the ending? Here's $20 for your budget. Now fix it!"

Sir Lancelot and King Arthur are heard rejoicing from inside the Police Car.

Policeman 2: "You're still being convicted of murder!"

King Arthur: "Sir, could you come here please?"

Policeman 2: *Walks over to the open door of the car* "What?"

King Arthur: "May I see the key for these restraints?" *Holds out his handcuffed hands.

Policeman 2: "What? You really think I am that stupid? No. You'd have had a better chance if you'd have asked him." Pointing to Policeman 1.

King Arthur: "May I just see, the key? Just see it."

While King Arthur is conversing with Policeman 2, Sir Lancelot sneaks around behind Policeman 2 and grabs his club. As Policeman 2 realizes this, he gets hit over the head and knocked out.

Policeman 1: "You just hit him!"

King Arthur: *From behind* "Yes, yes we did." *Hits Policeman 1 and knocks him out too.*

The Hundreds of knights awaiting their orders cheer. The sudden loud noise startles the police chief awak. He jumps up and looks around.

King Arthur: "We can't have that." *Knocks out the police chief too.*

Meanwhile (A/N: My teacher told me there was a scientist or something arrested with them. Idk but we included him anyway) the Scientist has gotten into the front of the police car in the driver seat.

Scientist: "Hurry get in!"

King Arthur: "But we must march on the Castle!" *The Knights Cheer*

Scientist: "But we'll need a battering ram!"

King Arthur and Lancelot: "Ooh!"

King Arthur and Lancelot get into the car. The Scientist puts the peddle to the floor and the car shoot backwards…

Scientist: "Wrong way!" *Changes gears and tries again.*

French Soldiers: *As the car crashes into the gate* "Oy vey!" (Wait a minute, that's not French?)

The Knights, Sir Lancelot, King Arthur, and the Scientist check every crack and crevice of the fortress. When the Grail is not found, they corner the Frenchmen on top of the fortress.

King Arthur: "Where is the Grail?" *Pointing his sword menacingly and surrounded by knights.

Frenchman 1: "We will never tell."

Frenchman 2: *In a squeaky voice* "It's under your-"

Frenchman 1: "NO! STOP!"

King Arthur: "It's under our what?" He thundered.

Frenchman 1: "It is under that new fangled contraption you have down 'zere in the courtyard! You ran over it!"

He and the other French soldiers laugh heartily at King Arhtur and without further ado are picked up and thrown over the walls landing in the moat, full of human waste, below.

The Knights and King Arthur and Sir Lancelot rush back down to the courtyard. The scientist hops in the car and puts it in reverse, almost hits into a wall, puts it in drive, and pulls forward to the same spot again. All the knights are yelling at him to move.

The scientist accomplishes a ten-point turn and finally moves the police car, right into a wall smashing the car beyond all hope. He staggers out of the car and shrugs.

Sir Lancelot picks up the gate and discovers the smashed grail. King Arthur sighs a deep depressing sigh.

Scientist: "I can fix this!" *Puts a chemical onto the grail.*

King Arthur: "…Well, even if it's flat…it is still a Grail."

Sir Lancelot: "The Holy Grail!"

King Arthur: "Would a Holy Grail be flattenable?"

Sir Lancelot: "Look it's changing. It's…unflattering?"

Scientist: "My miracle chemical! It works!"

The Knights rejoice and ride back to the scene where God first told them about the Grail. The clouds part.

God: "Ah, I see you've found my sons cup. Lucifer is always losing that ting. Could you send it down the well to Hell? Just over there please."

The Knights are stunned.

King Arthur: "This isn't the Holy Grail!"

Sir Lancelot: "The French lied to us!"

Frenchmen: *Off Screen* "Nanananana! HA!"

God: "Of course it's not. The Holy Grail would never be so dented."

King Arthur: "Oh, that was his fault." *Points at the scientist.*

Scientist: "What?"

God: "You have FAILED ME!"

Just then the mail truck drives up and pulls to a top next to King Arthur, the scientist, and Sir Lancelot.

The Policemen climb out.

Police Chief: "Now you are under arres for murder and assult of a police officer!"

Policeman 2: "And damage of government property."

Police Chief: "Yes, that too."

King Arthur looks between God and the Policemen, then at his Knights.

"Okay!" They all shout in unison, and jump into the mail truck, driving away.

God: Come back here you *%$^$&)*$!

The End!

Alternate Ending 2

The main characters resist arrest and are shot. End.

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><p>Thoughts? Comments? Feel free to review! Hope you had fun, we had fun writing it!<p>

Thankies,  
>OSK &amp; Chessie<p> 


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